Dear Capital One,
How can I say this nicely? Leave me alone! I no longer want your credit card, and have made multiple attempts to cancel my card for the last two years! Letters have been returned to me saying I sent them to the wrong department. When I sent them to the correct department, I received a letter saying my account is closed. Yet, I am still receiving monthly statements. Don't you realize how much postage you are wasting, how many trees you are killing? Do you realize that your employees can't process a simple request? Do you realize that your commercials are scary? Please stop sending me monthly statements, and take me off your mailing list, e-mail list, and phone list.
Really, I would send this, but they would problably send it back because I didn't send it to the right department. Seriously!